When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
