does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
