You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
