if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
