this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
