If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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