If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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