My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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