walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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