At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
