Umm I'm too high to move.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
