dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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