dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
