he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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