His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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