i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
