I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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