I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
