Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
