Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
