Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
