Your tits are I can't wait for
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
