17 year olds will be the death of me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
