Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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