I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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