I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
