i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
