Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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