I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize