people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
