i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
