I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize