imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Found the puke drawer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
