yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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