I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We're too hungover to prance.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
