Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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