Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
