Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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