halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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