So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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