...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
