you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
