I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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