is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
