He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
