I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
