I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
