its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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