Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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