I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am midnight drunk by noon
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
