Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize