dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
