But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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