The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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