If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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