He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
