We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
