Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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