So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
