your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize