shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
